This blog chronicles our personal experience which comes with its own quirks of challenges and advantages. Note: This post will be occasionally updated to reflect our current status. Feel free to reach out if you have questions about a previous version. Most recent update: November 2014. I want to explicitly acknowledge some of the ways this process is easier for us than for some others. It doesn’t make it “less” of an experience that I have these things easier, but […]
Dreams of babies are to be expected, but the way they’ve “shattered” lately has been pretty traumatic.
Super-Secret Post Originally written at the (actual) end of month 21 I need to tell you right now that this post does not have a happy ending. At least you have the benefit of knowing up front instead of being strung along for days like those of us in the inner circle were. It does not end well.
Super-Secret Post Originally written throughout month 21
Super-Secret Post Originally written throughout month 20
Super-Secret Post Originally written at the beginning of month 20 I was brushing my hair on day 2 and one white hair was sticking out. And I kind of lost it. For a while, I was not pulling white hairs since I thought I’d be a mom soon and wanted to look older than I do. Then, I compromised to only pulling them if they were looking super obnoxious sticking straight out. They could survive by keeping their head down. […]
Super-Secret Post Originally written at the beginning of month 19 This cycle, we got an anvil. At this stage, we are becoming more reserved with the detail we share. You’ll hear some of the consequences of the diagnosis, but if we omit details, it’s probably on purpose. We have a non-treatable condition that reduces our chances of conceiving a child naturally to “it could happen, maybe, with enough time.” This condition often responds to the more-routine interventions offered by fertility […]
Super-Secret Post Originally written during month 18 People accustomed to my coping will know it’s rude to tell me there’s a reason for our struggle. Obviously I’d prefer to believe there isn’t a reason I’m meant to not have kids. But if there’s no reason for this, is there a reason for anything? It feels like there’s a dichotomy — either there’s no reason for anything (and that sucks in its own way) or there’s a reason that I don’t […]
Retyping thoughts when it’s time to post them as “Super-Secret Posts” makes me realize how important support group has been. It fixed the being-alone part and that cushions everything. It also helps me count the things I’m lucky for… at least I can take appointments (or run in for procedures) any time since I study from home. Then again, the women with careers have something else to give them meaning for now. Being a mother was supposed to be my […]
Note: Since these posts were written so far in the past (generally at least 3 calendar months), my mental state is usually very different by the time you read them. So don’t worry too much about my bad moods. I have a few people in an inner circle who get everything in real-time and are being super-awesome at keeping me sane (props to you!). Super-Secret Post Originally written late in month 17 We’re headed to the specialist tomorrow for our […]