Blog Backfire

Super-Secret Post
Originally written part-way through month #7

This announcing-that-we-are-trying thing has backfired so totally.

The idea was that, while in the “trying” stage, if I suddenly stopped drinking, bouldering, hot tubbing, etc I would just give everyone the wrong idea and it would be so exhausting to refute everyone in the face of all the “evidence”.

And it was about giving out the MAXIMUM amount of information, not the minimum.

Instead I get far more attention instead of less. I have a headache, am sad, have to pee, look busty? “OMG preggers!!” I go skiing, top roping, out to the bar but don’t immediately mention I didn’t drink anything? “Guess you’re not pregnant.”

The most confusing thing to respond to is if people say “you can’t be pregnant because you are [climbing, skiing, eating soft cheeses [pasturized]]” but they’re wrong because I’ve decided I’m comfortable with the activity. Do I “correct” them? It just sounds weird to say “I could be doing that while pregnant”, like I’m telling them I am.

I think the thing I misjudged was my in-real-life audience… Mostly it’s boys from the office who would have been completely oblivious if I hadn’t said anything. I could have just grown quiet on social media and friends and family back home wouldn’t have had enough either way to guess.

This whole announcement scheme was not to mess with people. I thought there’d be a few months I’d want people off my back and then there’d be a big announcement and everything would be done. Worst case, I would give other women something to relate to if they also experienced unexpected delays and felt under deadlines.

I don’t have fun deceiving people; it’s not a game for me. The reason I took this route is because I’m such a bad liar and thought I’d be “hiding” being pregnant, not hiding that I’m not (and therefore hiding that it really sucks).

I know I made the mistake of enjoying people’s guessing the first two months but I wasn’t  setting out to do it for the entertainment and trust me, it gives me no joy anymore.

The conversation stopped being about how to deal, whether giving in and charting means less stress or more, and if I should potentially torture myself by checking for chemical pregnancies. It’s about carefully wording things like “I can fit in at least one term of school if I go back”, and trying not to be mean.