Blog Backfire

Super-Secret Post
Originally written part-way through month #7

This announcing-that-we-are-trying thing has backfired so totally.

The idea was that, while in the “trying” stage, if I suddenly stopped drinking, bouldering, hot tubbing, etc I would just give everyone the wrong idea and it would be so exhausting to refute everyone in the face of all the “evidence”.

And it was about giving out the MAXIMUM amount of information, not the minimum.

Instead I get far more attention instead of less. I have a headache, am sad, have to pee, look busty? “OMG preggers!!” I go skiing, top roping, out to the bar but don’t immediately mention I didn’t drink anything? “Guess you’re not pregnant.”

The most confusing thing to respond to is if people say “you can’t be pregnant because you are [climbing, skiing, eating soft cheeses [pasturized]]” but they’re wrong because I’ve decided I’m comfortable with the activity. Do I “correct” them? It just sounds weird to say “I could be doing that while pregnant”, like I’m telling them I am.

I think the thing I misjudged was my in-real-life audience… Mostly it’s boys from the office who would have been completely oblivious if I hadn’t said anything. I could have just grown quiet on social media and friends and family back home wouldn’t have had enough either way to guess.

This whole announcement scheme was not to mess with people. I thought there’d be a few months I’d want people off my back and then there’d be a big announcement and everything would be done. Worst case, I would give other women something to relate to if they also experienced unexpected delays and felt under deadlines.

I don’t have fun deceiving people; it’s not a game for me. The reason I took this route is because I’m such a bad liar and thought I’d be “hiding” being pregnant, not hiding that I’m not (and therefore hiding that it really sucks).

I know I made the mistake of enjoying people’s guessing the first two months but I wasn’t  setting out to do it for the entertainment and trust me, it gives me no joy anymore.

The conversation stopped being about how to deal, whether giving in and charting means less stress or more, and if I should potentially torture myself by checking for chemical pregnancies. It’s about carefully wording things like “I can fit in at least one term of school if I go back”, and trying not to be mean.

One Response to Blog Backfire

  1. Kaitlyn's Mom says:

    Gotta say, I like the old way of doing things… don’t announce you are trying, just go ahead and try. If you are giving up foods or drinks and are asked questions, make up a medical reason (it interferes with my acne meds or I’m trying to lose weight.) Have a girlfriend or two to confide in. I had my sister Gretchen. For a week or so, just your Daddy knew, then I told her, then I told my mom (and maybe his mom I can’t remember.) And then no-one else for a while. As for those people telling others, I knew they wouldn’t.

    I don’t understand the rush today to announce every intention via social media. It leads to all kinds of awkward situations.

    Writing down your own thoughts is a wonderful thing. It is called keeping a diary and has kept people sane for centuries. If you want a trendier name for it, call it journaling.

    But your own thoughts are you own and there is absolutely no requirement to share them publicly. No-one has the right to ask what your thoughts are, so you don’t have to ‘manage’ the information via the form of social media you choose. You simply, politely, don’t answer. That’s not rude, the people asking are the ones who are being rude. You don’t have to play the game that everyone else is playing; you can choose to be “old fashioned” and pick the best practices of the sisterhood from generations past.

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