I’ve reached a point in my timeline where I completely stopped taking notes for this blog. I found an online support group which is actually palatable and all my writing has gone there.
It’s very different than writing for the blog. For one thing, it’s real-time. There’s an off-topic thread every day where we talk about everything from that day’s medication side effects to random plans for weekend. Often there’s a small fertility tie in (“I’m on vacation but this cream I’m on means I can’t go swimming”) but not always.
The biggest difference is the audience. We are all so honest and blunt with each other. There’s no such thing as “too much information” or coded language (except for hilarious nicknames like “dildocam” for the internal ultrasounds) and there’s no such thing as a “wrong” emotion to be feeling or even discuss with others. Some of the veterans will warn the newbs about things like early pregnancy test results, and how IVF is so much more diagnostic than it is a surefire solution that will guarantee you a baby. And there are so many anecdotes that are just too graphic for a larger appeal, while they keep us rolling in the aisles in sad-laughing solidarity.
I’ll be composing my entries here based on rereading my posts there. I do consider that account completely apart from the rest of my online presence and it shouldn’t be obviously linkable; I wouldn’t recommend following me there if you could figure it out since I’m in a safe place to be my bitter infertile alter ego, not my fertility awareness outreach blogger persona.
Hopefully I find the right way to translate my experiences from that audience to you, dropping enough of the graphic detail while having enough material to reconstruct our experiences from the time. However there’s a good chance the tone will change, at least slightly. You’ve been warned.