Super-Secret Post
Written during month 22
Recap of circumstances at the time (August): We had a chemical pregnancy, and then the chance to do another IUI immediately following, assuming we could happen to hit ovulation on a Saturday, Sunday, or Monday (or else my work placement gets in the way).
I am afraid.
I don’t want to have sex. I don’t want another IUI.
I don’t want to make plans in case we miss another IUI. But I don’t want IUIs to get in the way of life. But I don’t want to run out of chances to do IUIs while we’re with this clinic. But I don’t want to stop doing IUI just because we move. But I don’t want to waste too much time on IUIs before IVF.
Considering the timing of my estrogen spike, I *might* ovulate Monday, but probably not. I’ll just let that decide whether or not we do an IUI this month since I would have to lie to take a day off a work placement (there are no days off aside from Mondays; only sick days) and it would throw the rest of my month off work-wise.
I am watching a lot of TV this month. Let me live someone else’s life.
The timing did not work out, but there’s one more cycle to work with before we move. Nothing else but even-more-nailbiting came from that month. Oh, and the 4-year-old who asked “Are you a mom?” and when I said no, asked “Then what are you?” I’m proud at how I didn’t miss a beat even though I felt like I died a bit inside (“I’m a student, a friend, and a wife. And I want to be a mom soon.”).