Taking Charge

Super-secret Post
Originally written beginning-of-month-#5 (“March”))

During March, I am super-paranoid about factors under my control.

The down duvets have to go… even the lightest weight makes me wake up through the night drenched in sweat. Hubby is already not using the laptop on his lap but I’m thinking of buying him boxers. My switch to skim milk a few months before starting trying may have been ill-advised – to whole milk I go! In fact, overall I’m too skinny all of a sudden. Up my portion sizes and add another snack each day. And when I say every-second-night, I mean it.

(That last point falls through because we’re STILL too busy with social engagements. Every month I refuse to overhaul my entire life to focus enough on this one project so why am I so surprised when we can’t make the time without sleep suffering?)

I even priced out the special pro-sperm lube at the drugstore but I’m not keen on putting a price ($6 each use!) on sex.

Sure, it sounds crazy to you. It even sounds crazy to me if I listen to it with my innocent frame of mind from before we started.*

But in my shoes (or the socks I no longer bother to take off during sex) and my control freak level (which desperately wants to chart or do pee OPKs but is luckily too disorganized) any small action brings about a feeling of control and a temporary calm I could almost swear was hope.

*Oh, the innocence. I skipped over all the chapters about delays when I read “what to expect before you’re expecting” because “only think positive!!”.