Tag Archives: Super-Secret Posts

The Waterloo Consultation

Super-Secret Post Recap of the end of Month 26, composed near the present since I had no contemporary notes We were pretty excited about our consultation in Waterloo. We had been referred before we left Vancouver so we had an appointment waiting for us within three weeks of our arrival. With 4 cycles between then and my work placement, I figured there’d be no problem getting our 2-3 bank-up IVF cycles done by March (the idea being that we wouldn’t […]

Break for the Road Trip

Recap of Months 24, 25, and 26, composed in the present since I had no contemporary notes We had been waiting for quite some time to decide if we were going to relocate. When we got the bad diagnostic news in May of 2013, I said we were picking up and relocating without a reason to do so except that we needed to come home (and I wanted to feel in control of *something*). We picked our university town of […]

Month 23 Recap – IUI the second

Super-Secret Post Recap of Month 23, composed in the present since I had no contemporary notes We had wide-open schedules at the end of August and beginning of September, so of course that month I ovulated on a weekend day just as would have been helpful the month before. We did another IUI. The numbers were far more like they had been in the testing cycles, I had no adverse side effects to the procedure, and then we weren’t even […]

Month 22 Recap

Super-Secret Post Written during month 22 Recap of circumstances at the time (August): We had a chemical pregnancy, and then the chance to do another IUI immediately following, assuming we could happen to hit ovulation on a Saturday, Sunday, or Monday (or else my work placement gets in the way). I am afraid. I don’t want to have sex. I don’t want another IUI. I don’t want to make plans in case we miss another IUI. But I don’t want […]

Gravida 1, Para 0

Super-Secret Post Originally written at the (actual) end of month 21 I need to tell you right now that this post does not have a happy ending. At least you have the benefit of knowing up front instead of being strung along for days like those of us in the inner circle were. It does not end well.

The First IUI

Super-Secret Post Originally written throughout month 21

Gradually Approaching a Plan

Super-Secret Post Originally written throughout month 20

More “Perks”

Super-Secret Post Originally written at the beginning of month 20 I was brushing my hair on day 2 and one white hair was sticking out. And I kind of lost it. For a while, I was not pulling white hairs since I thought I’d be a mom soon and wanted to look older than I do. Then, I compromised to only pulling them if they were looking super obnoxious sticking straight out. They could survive by keeping their head down. […]

The Diagnosis

Super-Secret Post Originally written at the beginning of month 19 This cycle, we got an anvil. At this stage, we are becoming more reserved with the detail we share. You’ll hear some of the consequences of the diagnosis, but if we omit details, it’s probably on purpose. We have a non-treatable condition that reduces our chances of conceiving a child naturally to “it could happen, maybe, with enough time.” This condition often responds to the more-routine interventions offered by fertility […]

Making Sense

Super-Secret Post Originally written during month 18 People accustomed to my coping will know it’s rude to tell me there’s a reason for our struggle. Obviously I’d prefer to believe there isn’t a reason I’m meant to not have kids. But if there’s no reason for this, is there a reason for anything? It feels like there’s a dichotomy — either there’s no reason for anything (and that sucks in its own way) or there’s a reason that I don’t […]