Making Sense

Super-Secret Post
Originally written during month 18

People accustomed to my coping will know it’s rude to tell me there’s a reason for our struggle.

Obviously I’d prefer to believe there isn’t a reason I’m meant to not have kids. But if there’s no reason for this, is there a reason for anything? It feels like there’s a dichotomy — either there’s no reason for anything (and that sucks in its own way) or there’s a reason that I don’t deserve what I want.

It made me start to wonder why I never learned the lesson that “life’s not fair.” When we teach kids that life isn’t fair, the goal should be that some things are out of our control. Instead, I think that kids get confused by the context in which they’re told “life’s not fair.”

Sometimes, children get treated unfairly by others. Adults figure that, since there are things in life that are unfair, children can just start learning that now — since life is never 100% fair, why bother with making everything under our control fair?

However, I think that this clouds the issue; the kid learns that life isn’t fair because the rules aren’t being followed or enforced. If anything, I think we should make the parts of life that are under our control as fair as possible so that we can distinguish between those things and the things outside of our control.

Maybe that’s why I feel like I can just work harder or appeal to someone to have this made right.

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