Another quick post

In the ongoing saga of collecting information and basically charting my innards, our new training fellow thought we might benefit from a 3D ultrasound.

“Have you ever seen those 3D ultrasound pictures on Facebook?”
“Sure. They’re cute, but I’m a little freaked by the fact that no doctors have OKed them as safe for entertainment purposes. But since there isn’t anything in there to hurt, knock yourself out.”
“Yeah. This is pretty much the same, except you won’t want to put the pictures on Facebook afterwards.”

(Turns out the last 2D scan was done by “one of the best” in the supervising-doctor’s opinion so a more-detailed look was not actually required, yay.)


I forgot to edit my browsing history on Amazon after looking for a resource to bring to my work placement at a daycare centre. Today I was sent the Featured Baby Deal of the Week right to my inbox. 🙁

Month 23 Recap – IUI the second

Super-Secret Post
Recap of Month 23, composed in the present since I had no contemporary notes

We had wide-open schedules at the end of August and beginning of September, so of course that month I ovulated on a weekend day just as would have been helpful the month before.

We did another IUI. The numbers were far more like they had been in the testing cycles, I had no adverse side effects to the procedure, and then we weren’t even a little bit pregnant by the end of it. And that’s all we wrote for the Vancouver clinic; we’d be on the road for our next cycle and be in consultation at our new clinic in the cycle after that.

There’s one funny story about that cycle, though. Again, I was supposed to take a home pregnancy test if I thought my period was starting before day 28. Again, I had a foolproof digital test left over from a bonus from an purchase. Except that it wasn’t foolproof; I managed to somehow create the error code that meant the test was invalid (I guess it’s the equivalent of there being no control strip on another pregnancy test?). Good thing I hadn’t dropped $20 on it, and that I could retest the same morning with another test.

All that was left was disposing of it and the other one… because they’re electronic waste. Luckily, it was a woman working the desk at the recycling depot when I went with the last of the special-disposal stuff while we were moving out.


Month 22 Recap

Super-Secret Post
Written during month 22

Recap of circumstances at the time (August): We had a chemical pregnancy, and then the chance to do another IUI immediately following, assuming we could happen to hit ovulation on a Saturday, Sunday, or Monday (or else my work placement gets in the way).

I am afraid.

I don’t want to have sex. I don’t want another IUI.

I don’t want to make plans in case we miss another IUI. But I don’t want IUIs to get in the way of life. But I don’t want to run out of chances to do IUIs while we’re with this clinic. But I don’t want to stop doing IUI just because we move. But I don’t want to waste too much time on IUIs before IVF.

Considering the timing of my estrogen spike, I *might* ovulate Monday, but probably not. I’ll just let that decide whether or not we do an IUI this month since I would have to lie to take a day off a work placement (there are no days off aside from Mondays; only sick days) and it would throw the rest of my month off work-wise.

I am watching a lot of TV this month. Let me live someone else’s life.

The timing did not work out, but there’s one more cycle to work with before we move. Nothing else but even-more-nailbiting came from that month. Oh, and the 4-year-old who asked “Are you a mom?” and when I said no, asked “Then what are you?” I’m proud at how I didn’t miss a beat even though I felt like I died a bit inside (“I’m a student, a friend, and a wife. And I want to be a mom soon.”).

Unpacking our Backpack

This blog chronicles our personal experience which comes with its own quirks of challenges and advantages.

Note: This post will be occasionally updated to reflect our current status. Feel free to reach out if you have questions about a previous version. Most recent update: November 2014.

I want to explicitly acknowledge some of the ways this process is easier for us than for some others. It doesn’t make it “less” of an experience that I have these things easier, but I need to remember to be mindful of how we have it differently than other people.

I’ve focused on fertility-related advantages in this post, but we have others I’m glossing over (we’re white, middle-class upbringing, post-secondary/graduate-level educated, and English-as-a-first-language speakers (in Canada), just for starters).


About Dreams

Dreams of babies are to be expected, but the way they’ve “shattered” lately has been pretty traumatic.


Gravida 1, Para 0

Super-Secret Post
Originally written at the (actual) end of month 21

I need to tell you right now that this post does not have a happy ending. At least you have the benefit of knowing up front instead of being strung along for days like those of us in the inner circle were. It does not end well.


The First IUI

Super-Secret Post
Originally written throughout month 21


Gradually Approaching a Plan

Super-Secret Post
Originally written throughout month 20


More “Perks”

Super-Secret Post
Originally written at the beginning of month 20

I was brushing my hair on day 2 and one white hair was sticking out. And I kind of lost it.

For a while, I was not pulling white hairs since I thought I’d be a mom soon and wanted to look older than I do. Then, I compromised to only pulling them if they were looking super obnoxious sticking straight out. They could survive by keeping their head down.

Now they’re all targeted. “Looking younger than I deserve” is getting added to the “perks of not getting pregnant yet” column along with “training to climb The Lions at the end of the summer” and “took weekend trips to Whistler twice in 2013.”

Cue me learning exactly how grey I was going… seeking out and destroying individual hairs took longer than expected.